By now you've no doubt heard of the national Velveeta shortage. And if you haven't heard of the national Velveeta shortage, you've at least seen the footage of the burning grocery stores, the lawless streets, the widespread rioting, the power outages, the mob rule, toppled monuments, people roaming the streets in face paint and loincloths, etc. Ha! I'm kidding, of course - a national Velveeta shortage wouldn't cause mob rule or panic in the streets. It would cause instant "Lord of the Flies"-ing on a national scale. There would be people doing ... um, all those things people did in the book. I didn't actually read "Lord of the Flies."

By now you've no doubt heard of the national Velveeta shortage. And if you haven't heard of the national Velveeta shortage, you've at least seen the footage of the burning grocery stores, the lawless streets, the widespread rioting, the power outages, the mob rule, toppled monuments, people roaming the streets in face paint and loincloths, etc. Ha! I'm kidding, of course - a national Velveeta shortage wouldn't cause mob rule or panic in the streets. It would cause instant "Lord of the Flies"-ing on a national scale. There would be people doing ... um, all those things people did in the book. I didn't actually read "Lord of the Flies."

But tragically, the news is true: Those of us who count on regular supplies of an orange-ish chesese-like structure sold by the brick are out of luck in 2014, because according to Ad Age, which interviewed an employee of a Brooklyn grocery store, new Velveeta shipments won't come in until February. And if you're like me, you're thinking one thing: Wait, what is Ad Age doing interviewing grocery store employees in Brooklyn? Shouldn't they be interviewing people in advertising? I mean I guess thanks for blowing the lid off this Velveeta-shortage thing, but I really thought that news would come from somewhere more appropriate, like Processed Foods Monthly or Preservatives Quarterly.

Well, whatever, the point is it's here and it's real, and moreover it's all your fault. A Kraft spokesperson told Ad Age - well at least they were interviewing the right demographic here - that "this is a key time for the brand."

"Given the incredible popularity of Velveeta this time of year, it is possible consumers may not be able to find their favorite product on store shelves over the next couple of weeks," Kraft spokeswoman Jody Moore wrote in an email to Ad Age. "Our retail customers are aware of the situation and we expect it to be a short-term issue."

By "this time of year," Moore clearly means after the New Year, when millions of Americans have made resolutions to consume more oblong rectangular entirely man-made representations of food. Ha! Kidding, of course - ostensibly this is in reference to televised events that people might watch while consuming snacks dipped, topped or dunked in a synthetic, hermetically sealed version of a food that naturally exists in nature. So yeah, the next time you're making a fancy queso dip for your Super Bowl, party, just know that you're depleting natural American resources. How do you even sleep with yourself at night?

So I don't know about you, but my Super Bowl party is ruined. Well, that's not entirely true: I have two kids, so I no longer host, attend or get invited to "parties," on the off chance that I bring my children, who are nearly guaranteed to spend at least part of the party whipping Hot Wheels at a functioning television. But it does ruin my plan to sit on my own couch dipping Doritos into a liquefied rubber-cheese mixture, maybe dabble some jalapeños on there. You know, for some healthy vegetable action.

(I was surprised when researching this article - which I do rigorously because this is about Velveeta, people, there is no room for error here - that so many people use Velveeta for dipping. Historically I've used it more with sandwiches, crackers. cereal and occasionally cupcakes, but whatever floats your cheesy boat, man.)

The good news: This appears to be a short-term issue, and Velveeta should be back in time for the NCAA tournament. Because nothing says "watching championship-caliber athletes in action" like dipping things in man-made cheese approximations for six hours at a time.

Jeff Vrabel totally has Velveeta in his fridge right now, and it can be yours for the reasonable price of $79.50 To make this deal, go to http://jeffvrabel.com and/or follow him at http://twitter.com/jeffvrabel.