You are the queen of the social scene, the social media scene that is. I love seeing you pop up on my screen or my feeds. Your kids are adorable and constantly wearing adorable clothes. I have no idea how they manage to keep their coordinated outfits so clean,mine were double digits in age before they even cared about wearing clothes without stains. Whereas I would just slap a bow on their heads and off we go ... the thought you put into your kids outfits are precious.

You are the very image of a successful mom, except I know what life really looks like behind those images. I know that the kids fight non-stop. Whether it is girls or boys or a mix of both, they fight hard. They are at a constant line in the sand and at the head of it all is the mom. The mom is the commander-in-chief, the waitress, the maid and the mediator. She is the brain of the home.

I think in a perfect world, the mom is the brain and the dad is the head. The dad shields everyone under the roof making sure they are safe and have everything they need. He is the bodyguard. But the brain that runs all the minutiae, well that is mom. Moms keep the clothes clean, the homework done and the schedule on time.

Except I am fully aware that the average family is not that lucky these days. There are moms who are both mom and dad, they are holding that line in the sand. Working hard and raising those babies at home so that they become good citizens. However, working in the public sector, I know that there are dads out there doing that job as well. A single-parent home is working at a deficient, but they are still working. They are working hard toward the end goal: Raising a family who will be a benefit to society, be good citizens and contribute. Some will fail, but there are many who will not. They work hard and they will succeed.

I didn’t start fretting about my mothering and my home until I joined social media. Social media has been a hard row for me. I started out following all and every “amazing mom and home décor” account I ran across. I started thinking, “I need to up my game.” It was fall when it started to really bother me, my house wasn’t set up for fall. There were no pumpkins and no fall colored leaves all over my house and my children had no cute little homemade Halloween costumes. I needed to up my game.

I began to take notes from them and found myself buying stuff to set that same tone on my media stream. That wasn’t money I had to spend... at that time, it was the very last thing I had to spend. Times were hard and yet I wasn’t thinking of my bank account... I was swayed by the idea, the concept of the perfect home, being the perfect mom.

The never-ending parade of perfect pictures. The kitchen that didn’t show any dishes in the sink, no crusted food on the counters and no last-minute homework spread across the table. It was hard as I looked at these social media accounts because they didn’t fit my narrative, they didn’t fit my house. My house is loud and it’s not seasonally decorated. My house is decorated by dead animals on the wall that my better half and kids have killed to fill our freezer. My house is comfortable and I shouldn’t worry about the overall photographic view because we LIVE in it.

I found myself constantly feeling not good enough yet it was like I had to keep scratching the scab off that wound... just scrolling through my social media feed and feeling envy and greed. The more I tried, the harder it was to not that little seed grow.

It wasn’t long after I heard a snippet on my favorite station asking whether I was living my life or performing my life and the truth is clear. My life is not picture perfect because I’m living and definitely not performing.

— Kalynn Brazeal is a conservative, Christian wife/mom/country girl carrying around an MBA, several decades of business experience and a strong opinion. Now living in Colorado, she continues to share her column on life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and cake. She can be reached by email at kmbrazeal@icloud.com.