‘Twas the month before New Year and all through the House

Were rumblings of impeachment: “Get rid of the louse!”

With eyes all a-buggin’, Adam Schiff grew most shrill

When war heroes were mocked up on Capitol Hill.

Nunes and Jordan, Trump’s loudest defenders

Pouted when a uniform was worn, ‘stead of suit and suspenders

With military heroes dispatched out the door

Gordon Sondland, Trump’s honor, would quickly restore.

But oh, how their hopes did melt like the snow

When Gordo admitted, sure, “there was quid pro quo.”

Who invited him anyway? Republicans hatched a rebuttal

Holiday plans back home they would now have to scuttle.

Poring over the witness list, Trumpers detected a trend

Smart women, speaking truth, Oh, please make it end!

Fiona Hill, for example, spoke calmly, just facts

Don’t tell her to “Smile!” Her stare cuts like an axe!

It’s not Ukraine, you sillies, she practically screamed

It’s Russia, led by Putin, alone that has schemed

To destroy our democracy and steal our elections

Putin tells Trump what to do and he follows directions!

In the meantime, subpoenas are ignored, which must be illegal

If it was you doing that, they’d take your house and your beagle

But if your names are Mick, Rudy, Pompeo, Bolton or Pence

You’re above the law - that should make honest folk wince.

Now there’s a break in the action, my soap opera resumes

But they’ll be back in a bit, as impeachment still looms

From the House it will go to the Senate one day

Where McConnell will kill it with help from the fray.

Our hopes lie not in exposing the wrongs Trumpy wrought

Our hope lies in candidates who the good fight have fought

My dear fellow Dems, let’s not mess this one up

But rather pick the right team, drink from the same cup.

Is the answer rich Bloomberg? Oh, don’t make me laugh!

I’ll take Klobuchar, Lizzie Warren, Vice President Joe Gaffe

Let’s be circumspect, not turn one on the other

Or we’ll suffer term two with Trump, Pence and Mother.

And speaking of Pence, so pious and preachy

Nikki Haley’s in the wings, Trump thinks she’s just peachy

Will Pence be replaced? He’s buzzkill and weird

And, to just put it out there, I think his wife is a beard.

But perhaps justice will be served, and I’m a negative Nellie

Trump will be impeached, tossed out on his belly

All the way down to Florida, the lawsuits will follow

So many, so varied, it’s all hard to swallow.

Rick Perry, smart glasses installed but not helpin’

Says God picked Trump so y’all quit your yelpin’

He’s not alone; there are many who think Trump’s the Chosen

If you ask me, they’re crazy, their brains Elsa frozen.

This is a great country, of that there’s no doubt

But we can be better; throw the rascals all out

Let’s start at the top and work our way down

Otherwise, you asked for it: Trump’s wearing a crown.

Wilmington, North Carolina’s Celia Rivenbark is a NYT-bestselling author and columnist. Visit www.celiarivenbark.com.